The Diary of a broken heart
by AngelEyes712
Summary: Sarah had a lot of problems in her life, her brothers left, she grew up fast, why does she keep so many secrets? Bad summary, good story, read up.
1. Chapter 1

**I'm not sure how I should start this out, all I know is it's going to be added on, as something of importance happens in my life, we'll start with my past and work forward, just like life does.  
So I guess this is my life, it's weird how i'm putting it out there for people to judge, but doesn't everyone do that anyway? **

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My name is Sarah, I was born in the small state of Michigan, surrounded by the great lakes. It was 1994 when I was born, and I can't tell you about much of what happened when I was a baby all I know is that my brothers loved me. I have two of them, Tim who is now 28 and Noah who is 24. We moved to New Mexico for a while, where I got a skin disease called Eczema. I had it bad.  
MY whole body was covered from head to toe, with itchy red spots, worse then the chicken pox.

I was young and could never understand why people would avoid me wherever I went. Some even gave me funny looks and many people thought I was contagious, although I wasn't. I didn't have many friends because of the way I looked, so my parents tried there hardest to keep me inside the house, so I wouldn't have to go through the pain of people rejecting me. I didn't really mind,  
but I could tell my parents did, bad enough that we moved.

We ended up moving back to Michigan. After a few weeks, my eczema cleared up and I was a normal child again, so my parents let me go to school, I was 5 so it was a perfect time to start. I made friends and did everything most normal kids do. Until the summer rolled around. I was missing a lot of the end of school, and was constantly sick. My parents wanted to make sure I was alright so they took me to the doctors. I had to get over 30 shots in my back alone, and about 5 more in each arm, maybe 10 in each leg. It was terrible. I will never forget the pain.

I ended up being allergic to just about everything, except for food, the only real food product I was allergic too was flour. Thank God it was only that. I was allergic to grass, perfume, stuffed animals, pollen, dust, animal hair, or well just animals in general. You name it, I was allgergic to it.  
I saw my parents cry for the first time that day. I was beginning to understand that they wanted me to be just like everyone else, and I tried, the best a 6 year old could, to be the same as everyone else.

I hung out with this one girl named Kennady a lot. She ended up being my best friend through those elementary school years. We knew everything about each other, one day she was coming home with me after school and when the bus got my house, we got off, along with about 30 other people. My parents made us go in the house, but we were curious so we watched out the window. I saw my brother and this other guy in the middle of all those people that were getting off the bus., I saw my brother get beat up, and then the other guy did aswell, after a while the cops came.

I ran outside crying when I seen the cops put handcuffs on my brother and stick him in there car.  
I litterally begged the cop not to take my brother away. I told them that it was the other guys fault,  
that my brother didn't do anything and that I loved him. I didn't want my brother to leave me, I needed him. My parents made me go inside, I wanted to help, but how could I. I hugged and kissed my brother and agreed.

When I was about 8 my older brother named Tim, decided he wanted to go into the air force. He told us how he didn't want to follow in the footsteps of Noah, and that he was going to do it no matter what.  
I watched him leave me aswell. I learned something that day. I learned that you come into this World alone and you might aswell die alone too. From then on, I was very mature. I grew up much faster and worked harder then any normal kid should do. My childhood was stripped away, and I grew into an adult, at the age of 9.


	2. I changed

**Thanks for the reviews you guys. Hope you like this chapter too :-). Don't worry i'm still working on my other story.**

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On and off from ages 10 - 14 my brother Noah came and went. He would be home for a few months and then back to jail again. I started to think he didn't really love us, I mean how could he of, if he wasn't changing. He always would say "don't worry i'll change" but he never did. My older brother Tim decided he wanted to move to Idaho to life. So he did, I said bye for the last time. SO thats it, i'm pretty much an only child.

My brother got out of jail when I was 12. He stayed home for about a whole year, so I figured he really did change for once, and I learned to trust him again. We grew close and I thought of him as my only brother seeing as my other one moved away. My mom, dad, and I went out to the store and then out to eat, Noah decided he wanted to stay behind. When we came home it was a wreck.

The back window was broke, and everything was a mess, and our safe was missing, and some jewlery.  
I couldn't figure out where my brother was, and instantly figured he had something to do with this. We called the cops and then our neighbor (a former cop) came over. He told us how he seen a strange car pull in and then sneak around why we were gone. I was so confused as to why he didn't check it out.  
He told us the only reason he didn't was because he was in his boxers. Come on! I mean our house was getting broke into, while a former cop was to worried about being embarssed to check and see if everything was alright. I haven't liked him since.

A week later we got a call from the cops. They told us they found a safe floating down in the lake, and pulled it out, they said it was severely damaged, but they wanted to check and see if it was ours. It was.  
All of my baby jewlery and gold & silver jewlery was missing. I was upset about that, because it all had a personal meaning to it, and now I find out I can never get it back. My parents were upset because my great grandma's $8,000 was missing.

Come to find out, my brothers friend was over one day and had to use the bathroom. On the way there he seen the safe in my room and told my brother he wanted to have it. He planned to break in while we were sleeping but my brother didn't want to do that to us, so they waited tell we left. Jake, the friend,  
broke in and stole it, took it to the lake, grabbed what he wanted and threw it in. He told the judge that Noah took it and stole it and he was just in the car, for that my brother got up to 12 years in prison,  
and jake got off with 2 years. I know the real truth though.

See my brother was always loyal to his friends. That's just how he was raised. So when Jake got in trouble over breaking in, my brother was trying to be a good friend and take the blame. It didn't really help much though seeing as Jake got thrown back in a prison a little while later. And still my brother sits in jail,  
missing every holiday and his family. He's really not a bad guy, just hung around the wrong crowd. But you want to know what he told us? Thats right, he said he changed.


	3. Touched

**Here we go, sorry for the break, it's just this chapter was hard to write...**

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I suppose I've been talking about my brother long enough huh? Guess I should start talking about another important time in my life, that has affected me even tell now. I'm pretty sure that this feeling I have will never ever go away, but I guess i'm just going to have to learn from it. This happened when I was 12.

My parents decided they wanted to go on a trip to visit our old house back in New Mexico. I didn't really want to go seeing as I didn't know anyone there and lived there when I was too young to even remember the house we lived in. Besides that my parents didn't think it was smart, just in case my eczema came back again. I told them that I could stay with my grandma for that week and i'd be fine. They let me.

About the 3rd day or so I got bored, my grandma isn't boring but her house sure is. I asked her if I could call one of my closest cousin's cassie. To see if she could stay the night. She was about 16, and even though I was only 12, she was always very kind to me, and treated me as if I was her age. Anyways, her mom said that she could but only if her younger sister who was 13 could too. My grandma didn't mind so we all stayed the night.

It came to be late and my grandma said we should be getting to bed, she said she'd sleep in the spare bedroom and we could all sleep in her bed. Cassie was on my right, Stacey on my left. I was almost asleep when Cassie started talking dirty to me. She told me to take off my underwear and I trusted her, so I did. She ended up touching me, and forced me, litterally forced me to touch her. Then she woke up her sister stacey and proceeded to touch her aswell, she forced both stacey and I to touch her (you know where) and to play with her boobs. Then she'd do the same to us.

I cried myself to sleep that night. She told Stacey and I that if we ever say anything about it, she'd hurt us both. So we never did. Every day from then on, I couldn't stand her, I didn't feel clean anymore. No matter how many showers I took, no matter how many times I prayed to God, I felt dirty. About two years later, I couldn't take the pain anymore,  
I told my mom. She got ahold of Cassie's mom and all her mom did was send her to camp. Nothing else happend.

She molested me for crying out loud. I have to live with the pain of feeling dirty every fricken day of my life, and all she had to do was go to camp. I will never be the same again. It only proved more I couldn't trust anyone. I can't go a day without being scared something bad will happen. I have to live with this pain and this filthy feeling all my life. She changed me, and nothing happened to her, nothing at all. Why should I have to suffer the consequences when she suffered none? It's not fair, life isn't fair.


	4. Letter

Thought i'd share this letter I wrote to someone...hope you enjoy...

Okay so you said you like to read....I hope you meant it.

Dear Chris,

Today well no, these few weeks i've done some serious life thinking...What I want to do with my life, where I want to go, ect; I've stumbled upon a few things. Now, I don't expect a reply back or anything, seeing as you officially are like not talking or whatever, and who knows maybe you won't even read it...but maybe this is for my own benefit and not yours, either way I just needed all to be said. So here it goes, you don't have to read it..just let me get it all out mmkay?

Lately i've been finding myself down, you know what they say fake smiles and all. Well I figured out it was you, and i'm not trying to make you feel bad...hear me out before you think anything okay? So I sat down and for the past few weeks every night before I go to bed i'd write down what happened to pop in my head about you that day and why it was special. You said you keep little notebooks so I got me one of my own just to write your junk down...there's a lot of it. Gah, I sound like Lisa now, sorry. You don't have to go on. Anyways, I looked back over the stuff and it really all has the same thing, you made me laugh, smile, and you taught me things...things that the old me would have never payed attention too. You know the girl who can't love someone any different then her, the girl who can't stand that you always were serious. But you know maybe that's what I needed in my life..someone serious for a change.

I honestly think that we weren't meant to fall in love. I think it was just so maybe I could learn a lesson. That I take life for granted and I need to re think the way i'm living. I think that's what you did to me. I wanted to say thank you for that Chris. If it weren't for you i'd still be as stuck up as ever. You kind of brought me back down to Earth, and made me realize there are things wrong in this world even if I wouldn't admit it. I think the fact that we fell in love, was totally well...a mistake. I don't mean that I didn't want it to happen because I did...but maybe I did for all the wrong reasons. I think if you were to ever come back, but your stubborn so I know you won't, but anyways if you did, i'd be a differen't girl then you knew.  
I'd be a little more serious, a little less flirty, and i'd appreciate life. But with that, I know I can't love you. Um, It hurts me to say that, you probably can't believe, but I thought i'd found 'the one'. Which looking back is kind of silly seeing as i'm only 15, but you know when your fifteen and someone tells you that they love you, your going to believe them. So I fell for a lie, and maybe it wasn't a lie, maybe you really do or did love me, but heres the deal.

I kept thinking about at night if you were going to come back, and I really wished you did, but i've decided now that, it's probably not a great idea. It's taken me this long to get any tiny bit over you, and trust me it's only a little bit..but if you came back i'd always be afraid you'd leave again..i'm not ready to have yet another person I truly trusted do that to me. It's okay if you never read this, or if you never reply, or even if you just don't care...I just had to get this out..if not for you then for me...So that way i'd be okay. I just hope you feel the same. So just so you know this is the last letter, I can't bear to write anymore, if I do...I might start thinking otherwise because of some crazy reason..I just wanted you to know the real feelings. Maybe someday i'll hear from you again...when that time comes..I hope i'll be ready, I hope you will be too.

Sincerely your old friend,  
Sarah.


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